5 Signs You’re A “Pick Me” & Girl, Just Stop Doing it

You’ve probably heard this term before. In fact, many women don’t realize they are, in fact, a “Pick Me.” But what is it? And why does it hurt women? 5 Signs you’re really a “Pick Me” and girl…cut it out, already!

Origin of the “Pick Me” Chick

The term itself stems from AAVE (or African-American Vernacular English).  The definition of a “Pick Me Girl” is a woman who will put down other women in order to gain validation from the opposite sex.

This can come in many forms. From verbally identifying what makes her different from her peers (in a demeaning way), to lowering her standards to a point of self-disrespect. All for hopefully, being named the chosen one by Men she seeks attention from. She’ll even throw her female counterparts under the bus just to catch a glimpse of the Male Eye.

All in an attempt to “be picked” as the best match for a relationship, compliment, or anything that signifies approval by a man. Any man…

Whatever it takes to make herself appear more desirable as a partner than any other woman.

5 Signs You’re a Pick Me Girl…

Most women can recall a moment they are less-than-proud of, where they caught themselves attributing to misogyny. It happens, and often, we don’t know any better (or realize we’re doing it).

But are you guilty of any of these classic examples of a “Pick Me?”

You Slut Shame Your Peers

You see these types of comments a lot on social media. “No man wants what every other man has already had,” or “Cover your body, good men don’t respect women who don’t respect themselves.”

Usually typed out by a chick who desperately needs any form of male attention, even at the cost of making disparaging comments about anyone else’s choices. It’s a poor attempt to make themselves appear more worthy and valuable and really hits below the belt.  These women never fail to point out what they think is unacceptable social behavior by other women; yet, never give men the same kind of energy. Because men can’t be “sluts” when you wanna get picked by one…a disgusting double standard. Lori Alexander is the perfect example for this…

Stick Up For All Men, Any Man, (As Long As It’s A Man…)

Also very often seen on social media. These women always take the side of any man within online arguments (but also include IRL disagreements) instead of backing up their female peers – especially when the man is wrong. Comments such as “I’m not like this, I don’t know why some women are ____” will be used to gather support from male strangers at the expense of everyone else…just so she’s seen as the ally.

Refusal To Hold Men Accountable For Their Actions

They’ll shame a stay-at-home mom for needing a break from the non-stop responsibilities of parenthood, but not hold a man to the same standard. “Guys need time with their boys” the Pick Me says while looking down on a single mom for just wanting to take an hour-long, uninterrupted nap.

They side with rapists while victim-shaming a woman for “wearing a dress that asks for it.” If you do this, you’re not only a Pick Me, but a disgusting excuse for a human being. There’s no excuse for victim-blaming, and predators need to be held accountable. Even if you think they’re “cute.”

You can have a set of morals and values, but if you do, don’t assign them to just one set of people. Everyone should be set to the same amount of energy if that’s something you actually feel is important.

Pick Me’s Have Lower Standards For A Mate

They’ll accept anything and everything as long as a man is attached. No Car? No Job? That’s ok, she’ll take care of a man. Lying, cheating, stealing from her? Totally acceptable as long as she still has that man as her partner.

Instead of the awful idea of possibly being alone, a Pick Me Girl would rather lose all self-respect and not care how other men treat her, either. If it means possibly getting a husband later on down the road, she’ll deal with it. Better than being single, right?

They Go Out Of Their Way To Be The Epitomy of Male Fantasy

This is usually manifested by taking mainstream ideas of how women think, act, and dress. Then, turning those ideas to the extreme opposite, to assume a more appealing appearance for men.

“I don’t wear makeup, who has time for that?” Or ” I love watching football and drinking beer!” Classic examples of trying too hard to seem like you’re “not like the other girls.”

It’s ok to have your own interests and ways of living your own life. But when you’re only pointing out how you’re so different from your other counterparts in order to attract the gaze of the opposite gender, is the misogyny internalized. Instead of learning to rebuild a transmission, or go duck hunting, for yourself-you’re only doing it to attract men, and make yourself seem superior.

Living your life to meet the attraction of others can have long-term consequences, such as a lack of self-respect or self-worth. Or even just a feeling that you don’t actually know what your real interests, hobbies, or personality is like; you’ve created a fake one just for others.

Girl, Just Stop It!

The reality is, no person is worth all this work just to garner some attention, get a date, or even a marriage proposal.

Let’s say you actually get “picked.” You put in your time making sure you know your football, can chug beer with the best of them, and put down that chick at the bar for being a smaller size (because “No man wants to snuggle a stick, I LOVE eating!”).  What does it mean to actually acquire the Male Gaze?

At the end of the day, not much. Maybe you’ll receive the attention you desire so much. Congratulations – now you need to keep up your misogynistic ways to keep his attention. God forbid he discovers you actually don’t like wrestling, and would rather paint your nails like one of those “Basic B*tch” Girls!

In the best case scenario, you’ll get that marriage proposal. Maybe not a ring, because you’re happy with a rubber band or whatever contrived alternative you invented just to make it acceptable to not want anything normal (and costly). But let’s just say you win the game.

Is the prize (i.e, Mysognistic Man) worth creating an alternative persona you have to portray for the rest of your life? Is he worth all the disparaging comments towards other women that you have to keep to forever? Or even worth putting your own dreams and goals on indefinite hold so you can be his “perfect housewife?” Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen where women belong? Since that’s what you agreed on in the first place because you’re “not like these other women, you can take care of a man the right way.”

Your Self-Worth Is Greater Than Any One Person

If someone is genuinely worth being in a relationship with, you won’t have to compromise yourself. At all! The bar will not lay on the proverbial floor; you can have standards, your own unique ideas, and your own morals and values. A worthy person will not make you change any of this.

You won’t have to live in fear of losing this person because you began thinking and doing for yourself. Or, calling them out on their poor behavior. People, not just men, need to be held accountable.

Not every relationship works out. Sometimes, we grow through personal development and people do change. But you shouldn’t hold yourself back just to keep a mate-and you shouldn’t avoid these healthy confrontations because you’re afraid of losing someone. If they can’t grow and just be decent human beings with you, you don’t need them.

Maybe that’s the true plight of the Pick Me Girl. She’s so afraid of being alone, she’ll compromise her very being just to catch a husband…which is really sad.

Do This If You’re A Pick Me Girl…

Whenever you think of a phrase, viewpoint, or lifestyle choice that caters to the opposite sex more than yourself; stop. Don’t think it, don’t say it and don’t do it.

Instead, think about why you slut-shame that girl on Instagram. Is there something within yourself that makes you want to put her down?

Before you go out for that weekly beer-pong tournament at the dive where you’ll see Chad the Fuckboy, ask yourself; do I really enjoy doing this?

And don’t immediately text back that guy without a job. You know, the one that needs a ride to his Mom’s house, without pondering this question; “If I couldn’t coast through life this way, why should I accept someone else’s responsibilities?”

Start standing up for yourself, and realize you don’t need to conform to find the perfect person for you. Start doing your own Picking, for those who hold themselves to your standards. Not the other way around.