Wait, where have I heard this before?
Yes, the blogger known as The Transformed Wife has reared her judgmental head again. And this time – it’s even worse than before.
But instead of deflowered women with college degrees, she has a new target in her sights. The Working Mother!
Now first off, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression. My point here isn’t to bully someone.
But, I think I’ve uncovered one thing most everyone may be missing about the thought process behind The Transformed Wife mission/intent and super judgmental blog posts.
So before we dive off into the main reason The Transformed Wife is such a problem, let’s backtrack and recap.
Remember what Men Prefer?
So in case, you missed the “viral post” created earlier in 2018, let’s cut to the chase real quick.
Lori Alexander, also known as The Transformed Wife, wrote the post titled Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.
And, as one would suspect, it is full of shame, inaccuracies, and a whole lot of bullshit. But hey, you can read my response to that particular pile of bullshit here!
In short, the Internet as a collective also recognized her claims for what they were. Biased, in-factual, offensive….and opposite what the majority of Christians themselves were willing to support.
This post went viral across the internet (because, well, duh). So Alexander then published damage control, titled, Godly Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos. Because insulting just women wasn’t enough – she still needed to put some men in their place as well. *Sarcasm*
This blogger doesn’t deal with backlash very well. And clearly didn’t learn anything when she published this new round of shaming, this time, aiming for the Working Mother.
Blogger Thinks Moms Shouldn’t Have Careers
So I had originally forgotten about The Transformed Wife (but did hope she herself transformed from her backward way of thinking).
That is until this piece from Scary Mommy came across my timeline. Complete with Lori Alexander’s “Flow Chart” Titled, Should Mother’s Have Careers.
Firstly, can someone please teach this woman what a flow chart is? Because I don’t think it really is what she thinks it is…
Anyway, this “flow chart” is really just a division of Working Mothers versus Stay At Home Mothers.
Each side is supposed to detail what life is like for each, but really? It’s just a list detailing how one is supposed to be better than the other. Built on a throne of lies.
Working Mom VS SAHM
Of course, the internet is reeling from this, because every line of her “flow chart” can be easily debunked, and proven disgustedly biased.
You can access this chart by the Scary Mommy link above, but I’ll detail the worst of it here.
The Transformed Wife believes all career women work outside the home – completely ignoring the Work At Home Mom altogether. She also suggests that the Stay At Home Mom literally doesn’t leave the house and only tends to her kids all. Freaking. Day. Long.
This is grossly inaccurate as we also have a lot of shit to do otherwise (remember I’m a SAHM too!)
She also suggests that any working mom is utterly exhausted at the end of the day, whereas the SAHM has the opportunity to “relax” while her kids’ nap. Which I can tell you from experience, is complete and utter bullshit. Hell, I haven’t relaxed IN YEARS.
Sure, every Mom has those days that are exhausting – I don’t think being at home, or outside the home, has as much to do with it as the fact WE ARE LITERALLY BUSY.
The worst assumption in my humble option is how meals are handled. The stay-at-home mom is able to provide fresh, nutritious meals made from scratch! While the poor working Mom forces her family to eat microwaved crap because she’s too busy and tired to cook.
It’s literally the worst assumption because I know plenty of Career women who write their own recipes. As well as plenty of stay-at-home mothers who microwave on the daily. No shame in either necessary, fed is fed.
But wait, there’s more…
Career women only read books to their kids at night. While The Transformed Wife believes that all the SAHM’s are teaching their kids about Jesus, playing games, and disciplining. Again – a totally unfounded, biased-ass assumption with no proof whatsoever of being a reality.
Well, I guess in her mind if you want a career, you must not be very Godly…
And the most laughable assumption falls on the sex life of Moms.
Career women are just too tired to please their husbands. While SAHMs are frequently intimate with their husbands (you know because they’re so refreshed from being home with the kids all day!).
Again – total bullshit with no basis whatsoever, other than whatever this woman wants to invent as “reality” in her own mind.
The question, is why?
Why Throw Shade?
What is The Transformed Wife’s deal? Is she really delusional? Is there a hidden agenda?
I mean, surely no woman in their right mind believes women shouldn’t go to college and must bend to their partner’s sexual appetite at the drop of a hat? All while staying barefoot, ignorant, and pregnant in the kitchen right?
Well, that kinda is what Lori Alexander believes. And her blog proves it.
But why go to the extreme of shaming other Moms and women, because they live differently than you do?
Either this blogger has found controversy to be kind to her.
Or, another likely theory; she’s really just that dense. No shade…but maybe she really isn’t the brightest bulb in the crayon box.
Another possibility a lot of the collective internet thinks; her husband does all her talking for her.
But, some people really can’t advise, or explain their viewpoint, without putting someone else down. And, I believe this is what most people are forgetting, or missing, altogether.
The Real Problem With The Transformed Wife
The opinions are very problematic themselves, in that they aren’t factual at all.
And it’s so overwhelmingly offensive to suggest that career women are bad mothers, and if you want to be a good mom/wife, you shouldn’t have a job. Also, again because it’s worth saying twice – that’s just plain WRONG.
But here’s the real real problem…
The problem isn’t that her views are antiquated, mislead, or even possibly not really her own. It’s that she can’t convey them without shame.
Sure, some opinions are always going to be controversial. Maybe even offensive.
But if you literally can’t express an opinion without judging, shaming, or purposefully putting someone down…that’s a problem.
Now, it may be that Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife doesn’t know she is appearing this way. Which, by now with the media circus surrounding her posts, I don’t really believe. Which makes the speculation that everything is fueled by controversy, even easier to believe.
But what if all you ever heard, was the basis of opinion explained by only lifting one side up, and bringing another down? What if you were only told that one particular way was right, without ever entertaining the possibilities of other methods being just as good?
In other words, if no one ever taught you to accept other people’s way of thinking…how would you know how to?
You probably wouldn’t. And so, you continue the cycle by passing on the same information, the same way. By judging, shaming, offending – basically, any and everything that wasn’t directly aligned with your own beliefs.
And that is how you have people on the internet come for you.
Your opinion doesn’t require blasting someone else’s…
Neither does your belief.
The truth is, as problematic as The Transformed Wife methods of spreading her message are…it’s still her message to preach. It can be wrong – no one is forced to believe it. But it’s just as wrong of us to condemn her for speaking it.
I just wish Alexander understood just how problematic her messages are, and how the original intent of the message is lost within the shameful context.
Instead of blasting the working mom, why not just focus on (what she believes) is her truth of her role as a wife and mother? And explain why she feels that is the best choice for her – not necessarily everyone else?
Maybe one day, when enough of her posts “go viral” for all the wrong reasons, she realizes a hard fact.
That you get more flies with honey than vinegar…and that blowing out someone else’s candle? It won’t make your own shine any brighter.
You’ll just be known as that sad person who made the room a little dimmer for everyone.
Lori Alexander is very legalistic & narcissistic. Only her view, of what she calls “godly truth” is right. She, also, belongs to complementarianism/patriarchal movement inside of what’s labeled “christianity”. She, like Debi Pearl & others in their movement, hold up the husband & marriage to a level of idolatry that’s utterly insane. Anything outside of her poisonous “teachings” is seen as feminism. If it weren’t for women standing up in the 1800s/1900s, she wouldn’t even be able to spew her nasty hatred or vote or have any parental rights over her children. She believes women are supposed to live like the bible says but she, also, neglects to state how life was for women in these cultures. The one she loves to “teach” & blabber on about involves the Roman/Greco culture. Aristotle, Plato, & Socrates, all, believed that women were inferior to men & seen as children. What she claims as “biblical” for a “godly” woman is *her* ideas/convictions. Ken & Lori Alexander, Michael & Debi Pearl, Larry Solomon (“biblical gender roles”) are all full of hatred & poison & reveal themselves as ugly, narcissistic, & very abusive.
Oh, good God. I can’t believe that anyone, much less a woman, would believe such things in this day and age! Ugh.
This sounds like a tough thing to navigate. I haven’t read any of her stuff personally. But I do know that everyone is responsible for themselves. From what I’ve seen, working moms often do a good job of setting up their schedules and responsibilities so they can still prioritize their kids and support their husband. On the other hand, plenty of stay at home moms are not efficient at using their time. Everyone is their own combination of what they value.
Yikes….I do not know anything about this or who she is or what any of this is even about haha but I will say one thing; nobody has any right to judge anyone else. We are all on our own individual paths.
I don’t know this lady, neither am interested to check out her blog stuff! Her views are utterly bullshit. I have seen my mom who was a principal, a busybee yet successfully managed her home and career. Same goes for my sister too, who is a SAHP and is doing a great job! We should not be judgemental of others.
WOW there is a special dark place for women who don’t support and uplift other women. We have to many battles to face to have to be worried about judgment from one of our own.
I’ve never heard of her before but it’s so crucial for women to raise and lift each other up, not tear each other down. Civility no longer exists in today’s society…gone are the days were people can disagree but have a thoughtful conversation about their differences. It’s a shame.
I have never heard of the transformed wife before or about what she writes on her blog. It’s not really my kind of reading material.
Oh wow, I didn’t know about this. It’s interesting to hear how others are reacting to her lifestyle.
What an eye opener this article as as I have never heard of Lori Alexander before and girl…does she say some nasty things..so glad you set things straight and I am so with you.
I have never heard of Lori Alexander or her blog before but her options are quite nasty. Probably does it to get attention.
Thanks for writing this. I didn’t want to actually provide any sort of meaningful web traffic to that blog but I was still curious about it, by finding this blog post I didn’t have to compromise myself.
hi
her stuff is rough, and very offensive. i thought it was a site to encourage young sahw and sahm. i come from a very strict upbringing Pentecostal Church of God and proud to be, but even im an very shocked and offended. im a sahm, wouldnt have it any other way unless hubs was passed away or unable to work, then of course he would watch her. i was raised women stay home when they get married, and the husband works, but thats it, of course dress modestly, and our you know church beliefs that apply to both men and women. i am forever grateful for the women who made it possible for us to vote( i mean why wouldn’t you and your husband want to go as a team to vote , thats 2 votes for the good of your family vs 1 vote) and own land, and women owned land in the Bible and they had careers, they just worked out of their homes, and granted they probably didnt call it a career back then. im currently taking online courses and when im done i can start applying to work from home because it is essential for us that our baby is with one of us at all times. my husband says women should have the option to stay home and not have to struggle financially, or they can have a career just work it out so that the child is with one parent at all times it possible.
SAHM dont get the rest that is stated
every girl doesnt get to grow up in an environment where she can be a debt free tattoo free virgin, i was blessed to be able to do so
i do totally agree with on the abortion part, however, she wont post when i say that there are husbands and fathers who will consent to an abortion in the wife in unconscious and the doctor deems it “necessary”
Prayers for us woman and God Bless
Her teachings are very legallistic because at times, she does not teach within context of the Bible. In addition, she is mainly berating women. I believe she does this because she may be influenced by misogynist “fundamentalist” teachings.
There could also be some self loathing and hatred against other women. I have read comments on her blog and some of the other women there seem to hate women. When women teach women they should just stick to teaching Bible truth. Not chauvinism and men’s traditions mixed with some Bible truths.
Yes, a woman’s priority is within the home as wife and mother first before outside career. I gather that from the Bible, but it may be necessary for a woman to work. It also may be that not every woman can find a godly man. Lori hounds women about getting married and not having careers without acknowledging the rarity of a good true Christian man.
It is because of undue pressure that some women have panicked and married monsters because people harass them instead of letting them make a safe choice in due time. Needless to say, Lori’s teachings appeal to many men out there as well.
I am a middle aged woman who has yet to receive a real marriage proposal. All my former boyfriends were bearded little boys who could not handle commitment. I am fed up with being disappointed by men. And Lori would ban me from her daughters company because I am a supposed feminist. Consider the source
Lori Alexander has done more harm to the Kingdom of God than any other. Yes, she is a narcissist, a control freak, a mean, snotty person who resides in a 3 million dollar, 6 bedroom, gated community home. Drives a luxury SUV, inherited a substantial trust, married wealth. Then has the gall to turn her nose on someone like me: lives in a shack on the wrong side of the tracts, married blue collar laborer, drives a used Toyota. Unfortunately, it’s not only snotty Lori Alexander. There is no pain & hurt worse than the pain & hurt christians hurl at a person. I am scarred for life. And I know for fact, nobody cares. 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪
I am the same way. Little boys with big toys and no real marriage proposals either. No more disappointments. No more so called relationships. Quality men are almost nonexistant and I am through blaming myself for things that are not my fault.