We were lucky

We consider ourselves lucky to have a healthy baby

At the time of this post,  my son had just completed his 9 month well visit.
I had an incredible delivery and he had no issues whatsoever at birth.  A healthy 8lbs even, 22inches long. I remember that even then he looked exactly like his father-so much even my doctor questioned whether or not I actually “had anything to do with making this baby? “
Oh, nah….I was just impregnated by John Carpenter’s The Thing, that decided to assimilate to my husband’s form in utero,  only to reward my horrific bouts of morning sickness & the gruelling process of growing a human being, by looking everything like him & nothing like me.
He did turn out cute though 😉
We have been very fortunate that he has remained healthy,  has been hitting developmental milestones on time, if not early (usually the case), and had even stayed as cute as he was at birth, if not more.

Children are a gamble

We were lucky. We continue to be lucky. I’m sure a lot of other factors have something to do with it-I never smoked cigarettes while pregnant. Never drank. Cut out deli meat and sushi,  kept active during my pregnancy with walking for exercise (which strengthens your legs for pushing during labor),  steered clear of nail salons, and even kept negative people away from my growing child so their bad energy wasn’t shed off onto it.
Our baby was born healthy. And sometimes,  despite ones efforts during pregnancy,  some aren’t. Bruce was one of the more healthier kids born in our hospital at the time of his birth. Its very emotional to hear about some of the other parents I know,  struggling with the different circumstances of their babies.

Counting our blessings

It’s one thing to read about them online,  or even watch it on tv…. but when you know the family personally going through it,  the empathy can kill you.
I know kids with debilitating conditions, making their way of life very difficult.  I know babies with conditions that makes everyday life a challenge.  I know moms who did everything right, who stayed with their babies in the NICU for a very, very long time while I took mine home after a couple days routine hospital visit. I know some moms that didn’t make it home with theirs.
And it’s unfair. No one should go through having a sick child. No one should go through the death of their child. No parent should go through the agony of not knowing what they could have done different,  to change the circumstances of existence.
Life is a cruel, unfair bitch….
That’s why I snuggle my son longer,  cherish everything a little bit more,  and keep counting lucky stars. Because things beyond your control can happen, and that’s scary enough. We could have had a very bad deal. There could have just been some slight difficulties. But we could have also faced devastation. But in the end, we had a perfectly healthy baby boy, who has stayed that way so far.
We were lucky. And for that we are forever grateful.

Expectation VS Reality

The way you handle expectations vs realities,  drastically changes once you have kids.

Before becoming a parent, when it came to events or projects,  I built up my expectation very high.  I wanted “this” to happen a certain way. With a particular outcome. Scenarios were very elaborate with every possibility, and I planned things as much as possible down to the last detail,  to achieve the outcome I wanted.

Granted,  the reality wasn’t always as expected. But usually pretty close.  I could at least deal with the fact that I tried, as hard as I could,  and if I didn’t get the expected results,  then oh well. Always next time & know I have a better understanding of what to expect.
Then I had a baby.
Over time, I’ve realized my expectations were no longer a viable option, or even prediction of a possible result. Something about a baby did this. Maybe it’s continuously running late for every appointment,  no matter how hard you try to be ready in time. Maybe having scheduled babysitters fall through. Or maybe it as just the inevitable fact that whatever I planned on doing that day, that afternoon, that hour, that moment, just wasn’t going to happen due to absolutely anything going wrong (or at least not according to plan).
If you live following your own personal order of things, routine, or way of doing things, unexpected interruptions like this that have a way of throwing everything off balance,  can be devastating. You find yourself accomplishing nothing at the end of the day, because first thing this morning the pediatrician didn’t call to confirm tomorrow’s appt at their usual time to call. You end up waiting to go to the post office do you can wait for the call. Then your eventually go, but the baby is now ten minutes late for his afternoon nap. Now he refuses to nap,  and must be entertained,  so you are behind on laundry. By the time you throw a load in the washer, fussy baby contained in the pack & play (He hates the pack & play,  so he’s steadily trying to climb out), you have forgotten to take the fish for dinner out of the freezer-because you usually do this on the dry cycle, (being that the deep freeze is in the laundry room) and now before you know it the husband is home. House is a mess,  baby is over tired and not sleeping,  there’s nothing to cook and you haven’t gotten anything really done. And the pediatrician’s office has left a voicemail you won’t remember to check until tomorrow.
I think it’s important to take everything in small steps and allow plenty of room for the unexpected.  And don’t let your own expectations overshadow what’s really going to happen.  That’s when we become disappointed,  and sometimes overwhelmed. It seems like a minuscule thing to get upset about,  but over time,  all the little expectations of how things should be going in your head, can really bring you down when your plans are halted & changed.
If you don’t get to finish that pinterest project that’s going to transform your closet this weekend,  because your sister was supposed to come over and take the kids to the park,  then save it for another day.  If you throw a girl’s night party,  and only 3 out of 7 show up (which is completely unfair,  since you& your best buds do this every month and they always show up at the other ladies houses for wine and GOT) leaving you with entirely too much snacks and dessert prepared-let the husband raid the fridge, and enjoy not cooking since there’s more than enough Pigs In A Blanket for even him to get full on.
Yes,  it can be annoying when things fall through. It can be downright expensive,  inconsiderate of your feelings,  turmoil for other things set in motion down the line,  but at the end of the day;  is it worth your sanity?
The answer is no.
Roll with the punches. Your party didn’t turn out like you expected. Your day of errands was ruined by a sick kid.  A blizzard canceled your Aunt’s flight,  so no family visit this year.  Learn to live with it,  and don’t let it ruin the day. Adjust your expectations of how things should go…to how they will more likely go.
It will save you a lot of disappointment & aggravation in the long run.
I know there’s gotta be more moms out there that can relate?

It’s important to be a couple, as well as a couple of parents

Remember, you aren’t just Parents…

I think the hardest thing about having a baby and becoming parents, is remembering to be a couple.

Continue reading “It’s important to be a couple, as well as a couple of parents”

Sleepless Nights & Baby Snuggles

Some babies are able to sleep all through the night. Some even 12+ hours.  Not mine.
He is exclusively breast fed, and at the time of this blog post,  going through a growth spurt.  His routine is a simple one:from the time he is laid down for sleep,  I have anywhere between 1-4 hours max before I am awakened by a wet,  hungry baby.
Even after we started solid food,  his appetite had only grown and he requires Mommy’s Milk to get him back to sleep.  Even if it’s only for a few minutes. (I think he mostly needs the snuggles)
So often times,  this mama is getting up at least twice,  if not four times (the absolute worst) between the hours of midnight to six am.  We use cloth diapers, and even the most fool proof “overnight heavy wetter” brands, aren’t able to trick my son.  He can be dry as a bone to the skin… but he knows he peed. “Nuh-uh, change me.”
The first few weeks of life,  this is to be expected if a newborn. And considering how often they eat, and need to eat,  very natural.  But after four months,  five months,  six months, everyone else’s baby was sleeping all the way through the night.  Not mine.  We were still up watching Adult Swim cartoons while mama struggled through the next day on four hours of sleep.
My pediatricians only had one thing to say: you can train him. Really?  Not only is my son a night owl,  but since birth is notorious for not being a big fan of naps. We are lucky to get two, one hour naps a day. He’s never seemed sleep deprived – He just didn’t nap much and wakes to eat and change.
“At six months old you can train him to sleep for 16hours.”
Lady,  if you only knew….
I never got any helpful advice on how to accomplish this-all her suggestions on using light/darkness during active/rest times were interpreted as a game,  baths were already regularly scheduled and had no effect,  and the “cry it out” method just created a very mad baby who learned that if he were to just become quiet, I’d peek in to see the furrowed brow of a 8month old who busted me for hiding around the corner.
I eventually decided my Dr wouldn’t last a weekend with my son.
Once I began speaking with other parents, I realized that there are a lot of kids who just don’t sleep through the night. Their normal is to get up at least once. Sometimes for years. They just need a little nursing time,  some snuggles,  reassurance, and then they *do* go back to sleep. Maybe sometimes it takes 10 minutes. Sometimes longer. Sometimes not.
Our babies are only babies for so long. We only get X amount of snuggles and special nursing time together, as mother and child, for so long.
I’m a fortunate SAHM, so I get to spend 24/7 with my baby. I also need my sleep,  but for nine months,  I’ve adjusted everything about my body’s needs to my baby.
Until I can figure out a way he still gets what he needs and I finally get what I need,  I’ll continue to get up every few hours,  drink massive amounts of coffee during the day,  and join him in hour long naps that don’t last nearly as long as I’d like.  If it helps my baby sleep as WELL as he possibly can, I’ll do it.
If you are also like me and find yourself up all hours of the night-you aren’t alone.  When I find a solution,  I’ll be shouting from the rooftops.
If you find it before me,  send it over. With Starbucks.

The fairy tale

Fairy tales do come true,  but its only up to you…
Everyone has read them from one time or another. We are all familiar of the beautiful princess, who longed for her knight in shining armor to slay the Dragon, and rescue her from the evil Queen’s castle.
Then you grow up and realize you aren’t anything like the princess you identified with. More like an office girl, working a dead end job, who’s knight is more like a jackass in a Volcom t-shirt. The Dragon isn’t as evil as your boss is on a Monday. And the Queen’s castle is more like a third floor walk up on the Westside of town, with leaky faucets and a strange carpet mold in the closet that NO amount of bleach will kill.
What advantage that you DO have that our fictional muses didn’t,  is that you don’t NEED anyone to rescue you. No one but your self that is.
You have the power inside to change your situation,  no matter what. Everything starts with the will to succeed. Without that,  nothing can be accomplished.  You have to want things to change before they will.
Don’t allow fear to keep you from the things you want. You deserve a better job-a true hero-an awesome home.  But the doubt you carry within yourself is the only thing truly holding you back. A person can be unstoppable with the right motivation and attitude for change.
Find that one goal that you want more then anything. Then focus on how you can achieve that. Never let doubt take over your plans. When you begin to doubt,  your potential is immediately tainted by fear. Remember that no one can succeed without true will power within themselves.
No matter who you are,  everyone has unlocked potential to do whatever They want.  You just have to find it within yourself. When you decide that you aren’t going to let anything get in your way,  Not only do you become unstoppable,  but the world will rise to meet you.
Positivity breeds positivity, and first you have to rely on yourself to provide it. No one else is going to. You must breed it yourself.
Take it from this princess who finally decided she deserves a better life. It takes YOU quitting that crappy job, dumping the loser boyfriend, and getting out on your own, to be able to get exactly what you want out of life. Only when you take matters into your own hands, will you find the career you want, an amazing partner, and the life you deserve.
You have to chase your own fairy tale. No hero is going show up and whisk you away to a better life. Its all within you. Once you are able to harness this, everything changes. And then your fairy tale does come true♡