The Real Reasons Why Planning Parties Just Isn’t Happening…
Parties are supposed to be a way to celebrate with family and friends.
But a growing trend, is actually not having a party at all.
The reasons people have moved away from planning parties, is a little sad…
Parties used to be a larger part of our culture…
It’s been depicted in many books, movies, and television shows.
Neighborhood block parties, housewarmings, birthday celebrations for any age. These are what people typically think of when we say “party.”
Yet more and more millennial are not following the previous generations footsteps, and are throwing fewer and fewer parties.
Think about it yourself; when’s the last time you went to a friend’s house for a party? MLM Schemes don’t count.
Or, when’s the last time you threw a get-together? Again, coercing your friends to buy your pyramid scheme crap over chips w/dip, doesn’t count.
Let’s go into the most popular, and a little shocking, reasons why no one has parties anymore….
We’ve turned into homebodies
Think back with me for a moment. Way back..to the early 2000’s!
No on demand streaming services. No social media (except MySpace which really wasn’t very advanced).
Your internet made a funny dial-up noise and took forever (even with high-speed DSL). And “binge-worthy” television literally didn’t exist.
Sound’s pretty boring, right? Yes!! Which is why people were more inclined to make plans. Those plans including planning parties. Or, attending said parties.
These days, with our self-induced series marathons, live streams, and ‘everything on demand’ we’ve fallen out of just becoming bored.
Social media and new technology has made it easier to connect with people-so why bother going to your friend’s house to chat when you can just FaceTime them?
We’ve grown to find contentment in our devices, and on-demand lifestyle. Which means since everything we want is available right here at home..why bother going out? Or, inviting people over to cramp our style? Especially when we can all just watch sporting events right at home, and video call each other.
For people with anxiety, it’s understandable to want to stay introverted, and remain away from large gatherings. But I think part of the reason the majority of people who don’t have these issues, aren’t going out when their friends have parties, has a lot to do with the comforts of home.
And it really cuts into your own Netflix and Chill time, to throw a party of your own. Especially when it’s way less stressful to watch someone else have a party in a movie.
Not to mention, but to totally bring up the next reason parties aren’t happening; it’s not cheap to have one.
Parties are expensive…
So when we do decide to throw a little celebration, the next big hassle is the price tag.
Parent’s probably battle this more than anyone else. Because kid’s birthday parties are a normal part of growing up.
But even a small gathering of 20 or so people, requires a good expense towards food and drinks. In the days of Instagram, regular chips and dips don’t cut it anymore.
There’s now a demand for extravagant decorations, a large selection of foods for everyone’s tastes, and many activities to keep children entertained.
Not to mention they get their own presents these days. A far cry from the days we grew up in, where your prize for going to another child’s birthday party was being able to eat cake and ice cream.
So parents have a pretty big expense going towards even small birthday parties held at home, where they aren’t paying for a venue.
“Well if they can’t afford a party, they shouldn’t have one.” Which is valid – but these days, because people don’t RSVP (or show up half the time, even if they did) the average family still goes through the birthday party gamble.
Either accept that you want to have a nice party with friends and loved ones, for X amount of money, even if half doesn’t show. Or, if you don’t want to eat the unnecessary expense of absent attendees, risk hard feelings and don’t invite people you fear may not arrive at all.
Either way, a lot of people just don’t want to spend the extra money needed for any kind of party, and so, they never have one.
Often, people don’t respond to invites, or show up…
Which is another sad, and even shocking, reason why planning parties is a thing of the past for a lot of people.
Even after mustering up the mental strength to throw a party, and foot the bill, many people give up on throwing parties. Partly because, they go unattended.
Sure, things come up all the time. And you can have every intention of going to your friend’s barbecue; until your daughter has a cold. Or, you get called into work.
But the art of the RSVP is lost. Even when people do properly utilize it, don’t think it’s set in stone. While a good majority of people don’t bother to RSVP, a good amount will say they are coming, with no real intention to show up at all.
This makes planning parties all the more difficult for hosts.
Do you hedge your bets on everyone on the guest list showing up, even without an RSVP? Or do you exclude them, and hope you have enough food and supplies for the ones who do, announced or not? What about the ones who say they are coming, but never show (or call only hours ahead to cancel?)?
While it’s disappointing, and mildly inconvenient for us adults, children really take no-shows to heart. Especially when it’s their birthday party guests.
We adults understand that plans fall through, but this is harder for kids. While there is a big difference between sudden colds and Mommy just not feeling like hauling the kids to their friends house, we adults get it. Heartbroken kids, however, have a bit more difficultly.
Because party planners have enough to deal with – wasting money on no-show guests, the actual expense of having a party, and the disappointment that comes with failed expectations – they eventually just stop having them altogether.
Or, at least, stop inviting family and friends who are known to flake on them. Which can cause a whole new host of issues.
Should you have parties or not?
If you really enjoy throwing birthday parties, or get-togethers for family and friends, yes – keep throwing them!
I think it’s just important to remember that you need to keep your expectations realistic.
Parties aren’t cheap, and you need to understand that some people, just aren’t going to come. For whatever reason or another.
If this means sticking to a small budget, limiting the guest list to a few select people who you trust to communicate, then you should go for it.
If you have had a bad time dealing with the disappointment and stress, then reevaluate your approach to parties.
Make sure you’re having them for the right reasons. To spend time celebrating, or reconnecting, with true friends and family.
I can totally relate to this! I LOVE having parties but HATE spending a ton of money and then having to harass people to make sure they actually show up. We’ve decided to keep having them a few times a year at least, since we do enjoy them so much! (Maybe we just need new friends? LOL)
Party planning – and parties in general – really do seem like they’re dying off. I think all of your ideas about why that is are totally on point.
This was such a good read, especially coz we are busy planning our daughters birthday TODAY actually.
The costs are so high, I think that’s what killing us and the fact that no-one RSVP’s. The admin of following up is such a “shlep”.
Makes me sad really.
Thanks for such a good read.
Sigh. I really do love throwing birthday parties for my kids. I go all out… like too much food, over decorating, inviting whoever my sons want to invite, etc. I’ve stopped inviting certain people because they either never RSVP, or they say they’re coming and then don’t. Whatever.
The three year old has insisted quite loudly that he wants a bouncy house for his birthday party (not until JUNE but he’s determined to make it happen!). Fine, but then you’re getting chips and pretzels as the party food and a handful of balloons…
As for grown-up parties, it’s been at least 2 years since I went to a party with other adults, and it wasn’t even really a party so much as a thank you dinner. I don’t want to go to a party… I want to stay at home and watch Star Trek with my family and my dogs.
Netflix vs Party lol that’s awesome and has some truth! 😀 We still enjoy game nights! A smaller and more casual “party.”
I grew up going to a lot of birthday parties. My parents loved throwing birthday parties for me and my sisters. For my first-born’s first birthday, I threw a big birthday bash with almost 70 guests. It was a lot. Yes, it was memorable but I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. For his second birthday, we just did a small party at home with 7 guests. For my second son’s first birthday, we went to Disneyland Paris instead of throwing a huge party. Parties can both be fun and exhausting. Being with people can be both fun and exhausting. You made some very good points here.
You’re right, people just aren’t getting together and hanging out like they used to, unless it’s a special occasion. Kind of a bummer. I’m an introvert so parties take a lot out of me.
I actually just had a housewarming party a few months ago, when I moved into a new flat, and then a Christmas party as well. They were not big, just with close friends, but still, in my family we do them. I don’t think throwing a party should be expensive, there are so many ways you can make it cheap.
I think you’re right on a lot of this, Jasmine. Honestly, I am probably a bad mama but my kids have each had ONE fancy b’day party with friends (and they are 9 and almost 7). Each time they got a bunch of crap toys they didn’t really need, for the most part. They have enough “stuff” already, and parties ARE expensive. So instead, we put that money toward their plane ticket for a nice winter family vacation to someplace warm. Every time they complain about wanting parties all the time, we ask if they’re ready to give up winter vacation – and they want no part of doing that!
yep! I can totally understand, as i’ve gotten older the less likely i am to go to parties. I just don’t enjoy them anymore, like you said, I’ve turned in to a homebody. Clean pjs, a nice bottle of wine and the dogs is my perfect night in
I will always try my best to throw a party for my kids; they’re only young for a short while!
I’m the homeboy who likes being at home. However my family rocks at throwing parties. Those I go too. Other parties? Meh. Good post!
I am not really into Party. I am more on staying at home, cooking rather that going to a party and see girls prettier than me Lol. Kidding aside. I just don’t want to party.
I haven’t noticed that people throw less parties. I do think parties have evolved where there are lots more options. It’s nice to have the option to have a party outside of my house so that I don’t have dozens of kids running around in my house.
It’s funny because I just threw a party for my four year old today. We had a blast and it wore her out!! We love parties!!
I too miss those large parties where I could slid away from the crowd without anyone noticing and so some forbidden things and then coming back as usual to join everyone.
I still think parties are fun and we shall do it once a while to re-connect with family members and friends. We just had one for our Chinese new year, it was pretty tiring but quite fun to catch up once a year.
Great post. I totally agree with you on some points especially parties are expensive. I have stopped for parties for long, as i tend to spend too much
I think you’re right about parties; not as many people organise them anymore. i think they’re too expensive sadly!
I think parties these days are definitely overrated. Mostly because people can’t typically afford them, so they thrust the burden of paying for their celebrations onto their guests, which is annoying at the least, and tacky at best. I’d rather have intimate or simple gathering to celebrate special days and events, that way, i am sure I can always fit the bill.
Yes you have a point. It’s so sad that soical media was supposed to help us connect but sometimes its the other way around.
I definitely cosign the “homebodies” and “too expensive” factors. That definitely applies to myself and why I haven’t really thrown my son a party.
xx Tatyanna
I still enjoy hosting parties. I have to say I don’t host as many as I used to since my family has grown. But, birthday parties are a must…I celebrate my birthday for a week and am determined that we have a party for the kids for their birthday.
This is a really interesting blog post. I used to host parties all the time, but got actually stopped doing it because I found that I put in some much time, effort and money, and often times it wasn’t reciprocated by others throwing parties. I do agree that many of us have become homebodies as well.
I do have this impression myself! I’m a party person. I grew up in South America and being broke was never an excuse for no having a party.
Now people got really complicated! it is such a pity, because the whole point of a party is missing.
This is a great article. I know for me bday parties for the kids have really changed. There is a big age difference between my kids and my older kids always had a big party and invited their class and friends and everyone showed up. However, my youngest we did that the first 2 years she started school and not one classmate showed up. So I just stopped planning big parties. We go somewhere and do something fun with family and close friends instead.