How My Side Hustle Was Hurting My Marriage, & What I Did To Fix It

My Side Hustle Was Hurting My Marriage

I didn’t know it, but my ambition to bring in more money for the family, was causing more harm than good.  Continue reading “How My Side Hustle Was Hurting My Marriage, & What I Did To Fix It”

Things You Learn As A Single Parent

The following is a guest post by Susy Richards. I cannot speak on the subject, being that I have never been in this situation. but she provides some insight on what can be, a tough subject! Being a PARENT isn’t easy, and being a Single-Parent is even harder!

Living The Single Parent Life…

Women never think that once they would witness divorce in their lives. However, sometimes life is not a bed of roses. Staying without a man for a woman means actual freedom although it is covered by the veil of fear and loneliness. But when a woman stays alone with children it’s a different ballgame. In order to face this challenge woman needs maximum courage, persistence, and even heroism.

Single mothers are far not a rarity and even some of them deliberately do not marry anymore. This is a conscious decision and sometimes caused by a lack of suitable gentlemen. After all, single women feel that it is much better to live alone with their children and without their husbands.

Believe me or not, but the time of my life without husband became a wonderful start for self-realization and self-confidence. I do not appeal anyone to file for divorce after reading my post, I just want to help single mommies to benefit from this situation and take a positive look at the life that surrounds them.

Things You Learn Living A Single-Parent Life

So what tips have I learned from being a single Mommy?

  1. There is no need to cook complex meat dishes anymore that will disappear till midnight. I know many women who spend their evenings near the stove in order to prepare a nice dinner. Kids are not so choosy in food and cooking for them is not hard and takes less time. Experienced mommies can prepare the menu for the whole week gaining some time for themselves.
  2. Household chores are greatly simplified especially if your children are grown up. There is no need to wash and iron men’s suits, to seek out his socks under the bed or shake the crumbs out the bed. Some men are so dirty that their wives start to relax after leave. (Like meJ)
  3. Equip your home like the house of your dreams! You never liked this lamp in the form of a soccer ball? Feel free to get rid of it. For example, I added more plants, pictures and radically changed the colors of the walls after divorce. You can create a design that has always attracted you but your husband was against it. From now you are the hostess of the house and you can change everything following your own taste.
  4. Your life would not witness “His mommy’s” boring conversations and other relatives’ stories anymore! There is no need to smile through force, to bear tips or biting words to your side. You will be able to do household chores as you want and not as “His mommy” wants. After all, your soup is actually much tastier than if it’s cooked according to “her lovely” recipe.
  5. You do not need to wait for him to come in the evening after his friends’ parties. Seriously.
  6. More space in the bedroom. Now you can sleep safely on the whole double bed instead of your half’s nestling. No one will pull the blanket, push you during sleep or get up an hour earlier than you need to. In addition, say “hello” to more space on shelves where you can place your clothes, lotions, and cosmetics.
  7. You do not need to give an account to anyone. You overstayed with friends and came too late? It is enough to pay the babysitter extra or to apologize to your mother. Say “goodbye” to long speeches of a jealous husband. The same situation is with flowers from colleagues or talks with a neighbor.
  8. You can choose an interesting hobby for yourself and kids and spend less time at home alone. How to start? Just visit theaters, museums, premieres and meet with friends. You can make new acquaintances even through the Internet.
  9. A visit to a competent psychologist is not scary as it seems. I have visited special psychological groups where divorced women discussed their problems in order to find its solution. Divorce with a husband is a tremendous trauma for any woman. Women experience the feelings of blame, guilt, uncertainty and the destruction of everything that had previously been accustomed. Even friends who have passed through this reality situation cannot give you the advice that an independent psychologist can give. Who wants to bear the burden of a frustration until the end of life?
  10. In addition, there is freedom of choice in sexual terms. You can forget about thoughts like how to adjust to his mood or how to close my eyes to the fact that I do not like his look. An attractive woman can easily find a nice man to spend a good time. You can control the communication and when you want you can easily write or call and if there is no desire you can just keep quiet and enjoy your loneliness at home.

The Single-Parent Life Can Be Just As Rewarding!

To be honest the lack of money, chronic fatigue and vile men cannot compare to the happiness that kids can give to their mommies. Children are the incentive for mothers’ growth and triumphs! Sooner or later all troubles would pass but your kids will stay with you. For me being a mother is real happiness and rest of the world can envy-I don’t really care!

Things You Learn Living A Single-Parent Life

Susy Richards is a lovely mother of 3 girls (3 years, 4 years and 5) and simple woman who is ready to share her priceless experience with other mommies around the world. She is an Advanced Practice Provider who passed birth doula and postpartum doula courses at Childbirth International in 2013. She is passionate about providing holistic care and is involved in pregnancy research. Susy enjoys trips to the beach with her children, and spending time with family and friends. 😉 She is a fresh mommy blogger and currently publish her articles concerning pregnancy on Rocket Parents.com

Things I Learned Living The SIngle Parent Life, After Divorce

Life After Marriage

Life Changes After You Say Your Vows

We pretend it doesn’t, but it really does. And it’s not a bad thing – but just a part of life.
My husband and I have shared many wonderful things, throughout the course of our marriage. And if you asked us a short time after we did it, we probably both would have answered,
“No, everything’s pretty much the same!”
 

But that’s not entirely true

Some things will change. Once you’ve become comfortable, you naturally drop your guard. Then you begin noticing things; Like used Q-tips on the bathroom sink (which makes absolutely no sense, when the trash can is right there!). And that make you never get around to those midnight walks on the beach. Some times you just really want your spouse to just go away…for like, an hour, so you can watch Grey’s Anatomy in peace.

It’s all natural, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

With that level of comfort and realization, you can find a sliver lining. You’re learning more about your partner, and yourself. And still finding ways to connect, and be your own person, at the same time.
But if you think being married is all about romantic candlelit dinners every night, a spouse who never has a bodily function, and remaining in complete agreeance on every subject (never fighting); sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s just not it how it works.
Husband’s are gross. And slobs. And they will argue with you over stupid things. You aren’t going to be drowning in Romance. And even if you did spend every waking moment together, either one or the both of you will want to scream.

But your marriage will survive!

And it can be made to be stronger – just remember that reality isn’t a Disney movie, and sometimes – marriage is hard. And annoying. And totally worth it.
I recently wrote a post on 5 Changes You’ll Experience After Marriage, that goes a little more in depth on this topic, but before I send you to read that – just remember this: The Hollywood Love Story always ends once the credits roll. Your own love story is a thousand times better. You get the real thing. And as disappointing/irritating/suffocating married life can be sometimes… the reality is so much better than what the Big Screen will show you.

What’s something you discovered about marriage that you didn’t expect?

Hey, I Want To Know…

This is a new roundup series with a twist: I’m going to ask some fellow Bloggers a few fun questions, just to see what they think! I love reading blogs as much as I do writing them, and what better way to get to know someone? Follow us at the end of each month to see their answers, and be sure to check out some of these great blogs while you’re at it!


Dicia – It’s My Mommy Life Now

dicia1

Blog | Instagram |Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
I hate to admit this, but my favorite thing to wear in cool, fall weather is my red hoodie and my yoga pants. I homeschool my 9 year old and I’m always chasing after my two year old. I’m usually in something comfy. Oh and I can’t forget my socks and my sneakers. If I go out, I may end up in jeans and a t-shirt, but I still have my sneakers on.

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now?
Since I have two boys whose taste is completely different. I’ll list them by boy.
Kaeden (9) – Minecraft on PS3, fourwheeling, and Pokemon Go.
Karsen (2) – The movie Home on netflix, trucks and cars, trains, mommy, and food.

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
Cheering him up depends on why he is feeling down. Usually I will try to crack some perverted joke, get him to talk about it, hug him, tell him I love him and how much he means to me, and if nothing else works, then I make him food, lay in bed with him, and rub his back.

Sarah – Get Mom Balanced

sara-robinson
Blog | Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
I love a good pair of skinny jeans and a cute sweatshirt: Maybe something with a zipper or a cute detail at the neckline. I’m pretty simple and love basics that I can throw on. Shoes are always my challenge- I’m a flip flop girl and my feet got bigger with my last pregnancy so I’m on the hunt for new fall shoes!! 

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now? 
My 4yo son LOVES Lego. He loves to get sets and build them, and then play with what he’s built. He can sit and look at the instruction books over and over and also wants to look at sets on the computer and videos of people building!! He wants to go to Target just to look at the sets. Obsession is an understatement for him!! My 1yo guy loves throwing balls. He’s simple like that- give him a ball, toss it back and forth and that kiddo is happy!

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?Thankfully, my hubby is pretty easy going and doesn’t get down often, but the way to help him unwind or get out of a funk would be to have some delicious food. So that means I won’t be cooking it! We’d be going out to dinner because I am also simple in my cooking and he is more of a foodie. So, a great meal with beer or wine and my hubby is happy! 

Melissa – Baby Castan On Board

profile_melissa-castan
Blog | Instagram | Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
Fall is by far my favorite season. The air is crisp, the holidays are right around the corner and it’s time to break out the sweaters, scarves, and boots! Not to mention all the flannel and denim that is in style for the season 🙂 

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now?
I have a nine-month-old so he is really obsessed with standing, walking and crawling. He loves putting something in front of himself and then when he reaches it pushes it a little further. He is so proud of himself. It’s the cutest thing!

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
The way to a man’s heart is food right? I like to take my husband out to eat, or sometimes I cook for him.

Tajuana – Healthy & Fit

 headshot
Blog | Instagram

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?  
Cardigans!!! Every color 🙂

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now? ***
Eek, I don’t have human children, yet I have fur babies. My cats are obsessed with hiding in boxes and eating paper.   ***(Fur babies count! -Jasmine)
3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
I like to leave my partner alone when they are not in the best mood because I would make it worse hehe, So I just let them have their space and when they’re ready they come back to life.

Michele – The Domestic Realist

 about_me
Blog | Instagram | Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
A hooded sweatshirt. I love putting my hands in the pockets and digging them in deep to warm my hands when it gets cool. Putting one on makes it officially feel like Fall! I especially enjoy wearing one around a firepit (with a cold beverage in hand!). 

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now?
My 3yo is obsessed with picnics right now. She likes to have us sit on the floor and she pulls the food out of her hair. I’m not why it comes out of her hair but I just go with it! There are always sandwiches, apples, napkins, and cookies! My kind of picnic! 

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
Wait until he is ready to talk about it. Men are different from woman, and my husband doesn’t always admit something is wrong until he is ready to. So after 5 years of marriage, I’ve learned to just wait until he let’s me know he is feeling down. Then I cheer him up by making extra effort to focus on him. Whether that is turning off devices and talking or getting a sitter for a night out, I make the effort I can. 

Brittany – Follow The Dyers

 img_7649
Blog | Instagram | Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
So, we live currently live in Bangkok, Thailand, and the weather her is always warm. I love it so much, but sometimes I miss out on the Fall weather. Not too much though, because I LOVE the warm weather. One of the biggest things I miss in the Fall though is all things leaves. When I was a kid, I used to love to play in the leaves and make crafts with them. I miss seeing the colors of the leaves on the trees change, too. There are so many things you can do with the leaves once they are off the trees too! 

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now?
In Bangkok, they don’t really have many birthday party supplies, it’s just not something they do here, so we pretty much plan our birthday parties at least 6 months in advance because we buy the majority of our birthday party supplies when we visit the States. With that being said, my son had a Dinosaur birthday party this year and is still obsessed with everything dinosaur! My daughter is having a Hello Kitty birthday party next month and is obsessed with everything Hello Kitty! I’m sure the obsession will change in a few months when we start to determine what kind of parties they will have next year!

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
Usually, I just let him talk. Is that boring? Maybe I should look for other suggestions…what do you do when your husband is feeling down?

Julie Hoag – Julie Hoag Writer

 julie-2
Blog | Instagram | Twitter

1: What’s your favorite thing to wear in cool, Fall weather?
I like jeans and my sweatshirt with my kids’ team logo on it. I also love the winter lined Crocs.  On warmer days I love to pull out the capris.

2: What’s your child(ren) obsessed with right now? 
My oldest son is obsessed with football. He plays it, watches it, and even participates in fantasy football with his friends. My middle son plays football too but he doesn’t watch the professionals play. He just enjoys playing the game. My middle son is very creative. He really loves to make things and watches videos online for ideas. He takes the ideas and makes his own twist on it. For example, he saw a launcher online made from a Gatorade bottle (top cut off), the ring from the Gatorade, and a cut balloon. He took the launcher to the deck and launched cheese balls. It was a genius idea because they were so light and airy they just soared all the way across the yard. My youngest son loves soccer right now. He is playing on a team and he is the most aggressive player. He really gets into it and very rarely does a ball get past him when he is goalie. He plays soccer in the front yard with friends. He’s obsessed with playing anything outside. My kids love Halloween and they are already making plans to make it the best Halloween they can this year. I love to write humor posts about life with three boys. I also write about being a mother, parenting, youth sports, anything kid related and pet related.

3: When your partner is feeling down, how do you cheer them up?
I surprise him with his favorite meat to grill on his Green Egg grill which is his obsession right now. He is so into being a grilling chef that he installed a spice rack for grilling spices in our basement. The Green Egg grill is a ceramic dark green egg shaped grill that can be used all year because it retains heat so well. He uses the all year long even in the cold winter. We are quite the pair because he loves meat and I’m a vegetarian, so I have developed some recipes I am posting on my website to accommodate myself as a vegetarian as well as the meat eaters who make up the rest of my family. Today my husband is grilling pork ribs on his Green Egg grill and my boys can’t wait to eat! I also buy him a specialty beer that he has never tried before to surprise him sometimes. 

Check out the great blogs above and come back each month to learn more about these bloggers!

 heyi-want-to-know

Why your husband should be your best friend too

I am a firm believer that your husband should also be your best friend.

A best friend is who you share secrets with. You call them when something exciting/scary happens, and you go to them when you need advice.

I can tell my husband anything. And I tell him everything. He is my biggest supporter, but also my most honest feedback. If something great (or even terrible) happens, it’s not real until I tell him. Activities are automatically more fun when he’s involved, and he is the biggest stress-reliever. That’s not to say occasionally he isn’t the cause of stress, but when I need things put into perspective, my husband is there.

So many qualities that my husband possesses, can also be found in a best friend (if it isn’t a prerequisite).

And realizing that, got me to thinking about this; how do we choose our best friends?

Well, similar interests, sense of humor, goals…all those things fall into what makes a Best Friend-category. Someone who will support and encourage you, falls into that as well. But, they must also be willing to be completely honest, even if it means saving you from yourself.

So, if your husband, (or fiance, or even boyfriend) isn’t doing any of these things, shouldn’t they be?

A best friend wouldn’t discourage your goals and dreams. They wouldn’t tell you things like, “That’s stupid,” unless it actually is a stupid idea. Like building a giant shoe rack that emcompasses the entire closet, knowing good and well that you are the type of person who will not use it and become frustrated when you have to sort 20+ pairs of shoes from the closet floor. This is what I mean by saving you from yourself. (Yes, this happened)

A best friend wouldn’t tell you not to eat those tacos, “Because you’ll gain weight”. They eat tacos with you.  They don’t demand that you not wear makeup, or dress a certain way, or need to know your every move. Best friends don’t suffocate your personal space or try to control you.

Sadly, so many women I know have partners that don’t do what their best friends would. What’s the point of a relationship like that?

My challenge for women everywhere is to replace any statement, or thought, about a subject that their husband or boyfriend might not approve of, and replace “Husband/Boyfriend” with “Best Friend.” If it sounds less than desirable, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate things.

Don’t think I’m secretly planning on breaking people up over this, but honestly; if you found yourself thinking, “Wow, my best friend would never say I’m not allowed to talk to my Mom!” and realized you were talking about your husband…and you find yourself uncomfortable…it might be a red flag. Just saying.

You should never feel afraid to tell your partner anything. Or fear they might be unsupportive. Or angry. Or jealous.

A husband needs to be the same as a best friend-to help you pick yourself up after a fall, to laugh with, to dream. If you can’t spend the rest of your life with your best friend..who can you spend it with?

husbands-bestfriend