Ever talk about your partner?
Everyone is a little guilty of this. I know I am. But I really shouldn’t do it. Chatting with girlfriends, your mom, your best friend from high school, just any normal conversation, the topics sometimes lead to your loved one.
With me, it’s usually during some silly story I’m telling about my husband.Today I found myself joking about not allowing him and his best friend into my kitchen again, because when these two decide to cook dinner, something disastrous usually happens. This time, it involved blooming onions, and a Fry Daddy deep fryer.
Long story short, one of them filled the deep fryer with too much oil, and after dropping said onion, it overflowed and dumped it’s 400 degree contents ALL OVER MY KITCHEN COUNTER TOPS.
If you’ve ever had to clean up puddles of grease, you’ll understand why I laughingly called them idiots (at least no one was hurt and they didn’t burn anything).
But I truly and honestly believe that all joking aside, I shouldn’t have called them that. I shouldn’t even downplay my husband. If he was an idiot, I never would have married him. If he was “stupid” or “crazy”, I never should have made such a commitment.
But I don’t think of him as all those things. So then why did I call him that?
Is it a symptom of marriage?
It’s actually something I notice a lot of married people do. Be it during silly and funny stories, or even not-really-joking-mad-at-them kind of stories, sometimes a person can call their significant other some really terrible things.
With loving, honoring, and remaining honest to your spouse, you should also respect them. And even if joking around, don’t call them “stupid” or “my idiot husband” or anything of the sort. Habits form by repetition, and when you make a habit of calling someone something demeaning, you don’t have to believe it-but it may become ingrained in your psyche. Before you know it, you may even find yourself subconsciously thinking everything your spouse says or does it utterly “stupid” or “insane”.
Now I’m not saying don’t vent to your friends-everyone needs to do that from time to time. but in the big picture, if you find yourself constantly bitching about your “idiot husband who never does any house work and spends money on ridiculous things…” you need to ask yourself:
1: Are you really that upset about it?
2: What can I do to change this?
Let’s look a little deeper, for our spouse’s sake…
If the answer to question one is Yes-you find yourself with these kinds of problems all the time, then maybe it’s time you spoke to them about their actions (or inaction’s) instead of your friends? Honestly, it won’t get any better until you do. If the answer to this was No-then why do you feel the need to call them names, and downplay their character? Nobody is going to respect your spouse if you don’t. If you’re naturally always referring to them as the “idiot” of the relationship, look within yourself to find out why that is. Are there issues that need to be addressed? Or have you become so conditioned to downplaying them that it just happens too regularly?
Which brings us to question two. What can you do to change things? If there’s no issues worth really being upset about, then maybe it’s time you changed how you talk about your relationship. A lot of women just like ragging on their husbands. And it’s easy to fall into negative behavior – but try to distance yourself from it. That’s one thing I honestly hate about a few of my married friends. They are always bitching about their husbands. And after hearing about one infuriating incident after another, I know I sometimes feel tempted to share some angry stories myself, if just to make someone feel better about their situation. And I’m trying not to fall into this trap-it doesn’t really accomplish much but make you the one giving your spouse a bad name. And then you’re known as the one who’s always bitching about their husband.
Even if I might whine a little, or tell a funny story and call him a moron, I always end it with, “But I love him. He’s a good man.” Because he IS. And not only do I love him, but I respect him. And when you respect someone, you don’t intentionally put them in a bad light. I love bragging about my husband. That’s what he deserves.