Jealousy: The Good & Bad

Everyone’s Journey in the Pursuit of Happiness, is different; with varying pitfalls, highs, and obstacles. I can say with confidence that after 28 years, I’m a pretty happy person. I can’t say that for others I know, but at least I can about my journey.

It’s an unfortunate fact, but some people will always be jealous of you. Maybe their journey is a rockier road. Or it’s not turning out as well as they thought. But some people are always looking in someone else’s lane.

Now, there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. The Good kind of jealousy can motivate you. Push you to be a better person. It can inspire you to reach your goals. And then there’s the Bad kind. This is the type of jealousy that can occur at any time, over any little thing; and usually it’s within the person least expected to be jealous of someone else. But that’s because things aren’t always what they seem.

I used to envy some of my girlfriends, For their husbands, families, houses, wardrobe…you know, the basic stuff one can be envious over. Until I really started working on my own journey. Once I met my husband, all that melted away. Now I had a goal worth investing in; our family, our house (my own wardrobe, but you get the picture). That’s the Good kind of jealousy. And there’s nothing really wrong with that if you can use it as a motivator.

But sadly, there’s some people that will look at your success as not only their failure, but a personal curse. I think everyone has an idea of this type of person: They can’t stand for anyone to be on top, but them. Always quick to remind you of setbacks, harsh realities, and even your past. Whatever it takes to steal the spotlight. I’m genuinely happy for people I know that are doing well in their life. Sadly, not everyone is like this.

So what can you do about it?

I try to be as understanding as possible with someone who is like that. It’s the only way I can not only tolerate their feelings, but try to inadvertently help them at the same time. For instance: my friend’s who poke at me for being skinny. Well, none of them are my size-actually, quite heavier. Yes, it’s childish to comment on someone’s weight, no matter what it is. And that’s what I remind myself-along with the possibility that maybe they just make rude jokes because they are struggling with their own issues, and that’s how they deal. It’s easier to attempt an understanding and shrug it off, rather than to get angry about it.

There’s really nothing you can do about it but shrug it off. Keep doing you. Like I said before, some use jealously as a healthy motivator. It’s not your fault that it’s turned into something bad. And it shouldn’t keep you from completing your journey to happiness. And maybe one day, after seeing you still happy and content with your life goals, whomever is exuding that negative jealousy towards you, can turn it into a motivator instead. By continuing on your journey without allowing them to slow you down, you are giving them the best inspiration possible, to change their lives.

The worst thing you can do, is let the inevitable (jealous people) stop you from achieving.

mexico

Broke – When Priorities Override

“Broke” is a matter of perspective

There’s a difference between being broke…and struggling.

My responsibilities to my family come first, before anything else. Before I became married, and a mom? Totally different. I could be ‘selfish’ and spoil myself. My bills were small, and it was no big deal to drop hundreds of dollars on shopping sprees, hair and nail appointments, and drinks at the club.

“Want to go to a concert?” You bet your butt I do.
“$150 for a pair of ripped up jeans?” Shut up and take my money.

But your priorities change when you start a family. And while spending money (and time) on yourself isn’t a bad thing to do, I tend to think about the “what if’s” of the future, and I don’t do it that much. Spoil my husband and child, yes…but you won’t find me at the nail salon that often anymore.

Finances take a new priority

My husband is a stickler for finances (well, it is one of his majors). He has goals and plans to set our family on a good path. And I completely agree with those goals. And even if it might annoy me on nights when I don’t necessarily feel like cooking – I love how he’s able to point out things like, “We have that at home. We don’t need to go out.” Because after the meal, (it’s always after, when I’m not hungry) I always kick myself for eating out when I realize I could have saved $20, $30, $50 dollars by just staying at home and not being lazy. But he’s right – as he puts it, “Just because I have money to spend, doesn’t mean we need to spend it on everything.”

That’s what annoys me when people assume that I’m flat dead broke if I don’t accept offers to do certain things. Be it trips to the spa, or group movie nights, if I don’t see a necessity to spend money, I don’t anymore.

Your idea of “expendable income” changes

This month we have a lot planned. Pre-scheduled  outings to theme parks with family, birthday parties to attend, birthday parties to plan, family to visit out of state…these things are more important than something silly, like spending it on something temporary for myself only.

Don’t say, “Oh, you don’t have $10 to get in?” if I decline an offer to join you somewhere without the kids. That doesn’t mean I don’t have money…that means I’m declining your offer to spend that money on myself. 

And when I say, “I’m kinda broke right now,” that doesn’t mean I’m hurting for necessities. That means my refrigerator is full of food, my bills are paid, and what I have in the bank, I’m saving for an emergency-not an excuse to blow what’s left in my account on just whatever comes along.

Maybe I’m getting old, and thinking too much, but if anything does arise, I’m always the one kicking myself for even spending that small ten bucks on something stupid when I could have saved it.

It’s important, especially once you’re a mom and you never treat yourself, to actually do that once in a while. But if I decline an invitation to do so, please don’t think my struggle is that real…I’m just keeping my priorities in check.

When your family's priorities change your perspective on finances

Ohana: Pet’s Are Family Too

icecream
Family comes in many forms. I have one human son. In reality, I really have two children.
When my husband and I first began our “serious relationship”, our first major stepping stone together as a couple, aside from co-habitation, was adopting our cat. I originally wanted a cat, and saw a mother and two kittens lingering around the fire escape. Logically, I couldn’t just rescue one; it needed it’s sibling. And they couldn’t be without Mum. Luckily for Ryan, a neighbor took them in during this conversation in which I was trying to convince him that we needed them more than they needed us. He wanted absolutely no pets – so he compromised and we got Dimitri.
I searched Craigslist for local rescues and found the cutest Russian Blue – a phone call and short trip to PetSmart and an hour later, we brought our little “fur baby” home. He was rescued by a couple in Jacksonville (Florida) who not only take in animals, but perform “Native American Weddings and Paranormal Investigations.” (I thought it an odd mix, but I don’t ask questions) They adopted Dimitri the day before he would have been put down at the animal shelter, being there too long. They put the animals, mostly cats, back online to find forever homes. We donated a bag of kitten food in exchange for our kitty, and as much as I really wanted ALL of the other kittens in the crate he was hanging out with, I knew Ryan wouldn’t allow it. It literally took weeks to convince him of one, after three already didn’t work, so best not to push my luck.
Since the first night at home, Dima (his shorter name) has slept in our bed, forcing one of us to share a pillow. Yes, he needs a pillow for his head. He also requires the milk from your cereal, his cat-nip stuffed sea turtle must be object of a game at least once a night, and he ‘helps’ you in the bathroom by keeping one company while you’re…doing whatever in there.  He has his own ways and personality. Ryan and I have both commented on how fitting it was that we ended up with him, and how he filled our home with so much more love.
Then when I became pregnant, we excitedly told Dima he was going to be a “big brother” and made promises to always give him enough attention. “Nothing will be any different.” I even joked that a day would come that I would find myself holding either the fur or human child as my husband held the other, and we would have to “switch off”, so they didn’t grow jealous. I wasn’t prepared for the cynicism towards my beloved cat that soon followed. Too many times I heard, “You gotta get rid of that cat. They’re bad for pregnant women. They’re bad for babies.”
The thing is: you wouldn’t “get rid” of your first child, for absolutely no reason, when you’re expecting another. Why would you do the same to a pet? Especially one you raised since a baby (er..kitten)! Your animals depend on you for everything: love, security, sustenance, connection…why would you just abandon them? Sometimes, in unfortunate circumstances, pets need to be rehomed, but for just no reason other than, “Well, you’re going to have a real baby now…”the whole notion just strikes me as absurd.
Toxoplasmosis is very real, and can lead to a lot of harmful complications with the developing fetus, including blindness. BUT, as my midwife put it, “You don’t have to get rid of your cat. Just don’t play with it’s poop.” I avoided the litterbox and either my husband or Mom cleaned it. Other than that, Dimitri posed no risk to my growing baby, and I didn’t have to give him away.
I eventually came to the conclusion that some people are just that heartless – they could adopt a pet and love it, and give it a good life. And then just turn their back, at the drop of a hat. Sure, most will make sure they find it a good home, but that doesn’t mean the poor animal is going to adjust easily or forget quickly.  If you aren’t willing to make a lifelong commitment to an animal, then don’t adopt. Because they don’t deserve to have the only home they know taken away, for no other reason than disinterest. Especially when they pose no real threat that can’t be contained.

 

When we adopted Dima, we made that promise-that we would be there for his entire life. Dima is no different than my other child. I’m his Mom-and he needs me. Writing this has reminded of the Disney movie ‘Lilo & Stitch’ and it’s true… “Ohana means family”. No one is left behind or forgotten. Your pets are family too. He’s now two (human) years old, and absolutely loves his “little brother”…most of the time. We are working on not chasing our kitty around the house.

dima
The real Dimitri Hewitt

5 tips for buying/selling items online through PayPal

I’ve learned alot about selling online

So, when I’m not busy writing, raising a child, being an awesome wife, I take on the role of an admin for a Facebook group built for the buying, selling, and trading of cloth diapers. There’s a small team of us, and we approve posts before going live to ensure they meet requirements, and act as a Liaison between buyer/seller should anything go wrong.

So this post is aimed at helping you with all your online selling, trading, and buying transactions (be it cloth or anything!). From the perspective of an admin, a buyer, and a seller,  hopefully you will find these tips helpful! Continue reading “5 tips for buying/selling items online through PayPal”