Everyone has their different styles of parenting, and showing affection. Unless it’s defined as actual abuse, no one is really better than another. That doesn’t stop the sanctimommies from poking their noses where it doesn’t belong, but then again, what really stops them from doing that?
One topic I’ve noticed the Dementor-like sanctimommy focusing on? Parents who kiss their children on the lips.
Now, if you know me, you’ll know I actually don’t do this. And before you judge me for that, first pause, and read on. I’m not sexualizing kissing my son (eww..I’m offended that you might have thought that I was, and that’s my reason for not doing it!). But my long-term thinking is this; I kiss my husband on the lips because that’s my husband, obviously. My son is going to grow up knowing what type of affection that is. He is going to see Mommy kiss Daddy on the lips, and know that’s what people do when they’re in love. He will get kisses on his cheeks and owies from the both of us, and know that is how we show affection for him as his parents. I want him to know that kissing certain places is for certain people. His grandparents give him kisses on the cheek. His aunts.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I want my child to understand that getting a peck on the cheek is normal. But should he be at a friend’s house for a sleepover, or another situation, and an adult who is NOT his cheek-kissing reative try to kiss him ANYWHERE…I want him to know that, isn’t ok. And he needs to tell me. It’s not sexualizing as much as it’s about boundaries. Call me a helicopter parent if you want to, but that’s how we choose to face the topic of kissing kids on the lips.
Not to mention the germ factor – if I have a cold, the last thing I want is to give it to my child via the mouth. So no lip kissing, or sharing drinks, or anything like that.
But this isn’t a post about the reasons why I chose not to kiss my kid on the lips. It’s a post about why you shouldn’t shame another parent for choosing to do that.
No one parent is the same…
As I mentioned before, everyone parents in a different way. And if you choose to show affection to your child in that manner, not only do you have the right to parent as you see fit…but I, nor anyone else, really has the right to say anything about it (unless, of course, it’s literally abuse). It’s sad that some people have to poke around and look for something so innocent to get bent out of shape about.
Notice as I did explain my reasoning, that I didn’t put anyone else down? While I have my reasons for doing as I do, I’m certainly not going to tell anyone else why they should or shouldn’t do something. You are the parent, it’s your choice. I honestly don’t care how you choose to kiss your kids goodnight.
And what does someone get out of shaming a fellow parent for doing anything they don’t choose to do? You called that mother “gross” because she kissed her daughter on the lips. Okay…so what did you really accomplish, other than looking like a self-righteous jerk? That mother is probably going to kiss her daughter goodnight anyway…and probably on the lips. As long as it isn’t hurting you or your family, does it matter what another family does?
As I mentioned in a previous post, some people are quite like Dementors – they love to suck the love and joy out of someone, for any reason possible. Don’t let them. You show affection how you want to with your children. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
And in case there are any around now…seriously, each time ya’ll try to comment to me that “well your child isn’t going to think you love them when..” or whatever you think you absolutely have to say to me; I’m gonna cast my Patronus on you. And then eat chocolate.